Category Archives: What NOT to wear

Dopefeast’s authors will help steer you away from making disastrous choices.

What NOT to wear to a hip hop / rap club

So it’s time for a special edition of what NOT to wear, idea courtesy of one of our readers.

In this edition, we’ll be discussing what not to wear to a specific type of club: rap clubs.  Or hip hop clubs.  Or go-go clubs if you’re from the DMV, or whatever the hell type of music you listen to in your area.

Going to a rap club is a special affair.  You have to come correct, but sadly, too many clubgoers take it to either extreme and miss the hard-to-find balance between street and classy.  Today, we’ll be evaluating these types of faux-pas so you don’t make the same mistakes.

Without further ado…

1. ED HARDY

Not a good look.

Not a good look.

I’m clueless as to what people see in this god-forsaken brand.  So what, you wear this so you can run around in overpriced “tattoo-inspired” clothing and be fly?  I think not.  The operative term for this type of person is “douchebag,” and they should be avoided at all costs.  Ed Hardy is not a good look, period.  Wearing it might will get you shot.

2. THE COLORS RED/BLUE (*applies particularly to West Side California)

To be fair, most gangbangers don’t rock red and blue attire 24/7.  Usually, it’s white tees.  HOWEVER, wearing strictly red or blue (coupling this with bandanas heightens the effect) to the club might get people wondering whose side you’re on.  This could become problematic should members of opposing gangs see you wearing enemy colors in their vicinity. Probability of caps busting: + or – %50.

3. FILA/FUBU

Unless you want to get clowned, wearing either of these brands is a no-no.  Despite their efforts at resurgence, Fila’s been dead for going on a quarter of a century.  Their lineup consists of poor copies of past-season designer sneakers and laughable polyester track suits.

As for FUBU, do we even have to go there?  I’ve yet to see FUBU for sale anywhere other than discount retailers and thrift stores, and their brand is deader than fried chicken.  Not to mention it’s ugly as hell.

Long story short, if you roll up to the club in some Fila Prada knock-offs and a Fat Albert jersey, expect to be denied entry.

Fila + Fubu = Denied

Fila + Fubu = Denied

4. RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE SNEAKERS

Wearing your favorite pair of Jordans to the club is practically asking to spend the night in jail.  Because you know once someone steps on your J’s, it’s about to go down.

5. FAKE GUCCI/LOUIS VUITTON/ANYTHING DESIGNER

If you don’t have the money to buy the real thing, don’t even try to front.  Chances are someone’s gonna call you out on it, by which point you’ll end up looking even more pathetic than you did walking into the club faked out in the first place.  Besides, half the hoes in the club probably bought the same shit from the same Korean corner store you did.  This is your chance to be original, make the best of it.  Better to rock something classy and brandless than trashy and branded.

6. ANKLE MONITORS

This should go without saying, but I’ll repeat it anyways. IF YOU’RE ON HOUSE ARREST, STAY HOME. Just because you hide it with rhinestones doesn’t mean the police can’t find you.  And trust me, if the police have to come find you, they’re bringing an asswhooping with them.

Diamond Studded Ankle Bracelet 1

Woop Woop that's the sound of the police Woop Woop that's the sound of your ass getting beat

In short, don’t make these mistakes and you’re on the right track.  And ladies, if you have to wear a weave, at least make sure it doesn’t look like you jacked it off a cabbage patch kid.  Case in point:

New York, you know you're wrong for this.

New York, you know you're wrong for this.

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What NOT to wear: Crocs

Do I even need to say anything about these?  There is nothing redeeming about them.  They’re made of plastic.  They look hideous.  They get caught in escalators and rip children’s toes off. Their stock price took one of the largest falls-from-grace in trading history (from $75/share to $1.90).  As the facebook group says, I don’t care how comfortable crocs are, you look like a dumbass.

Friends don't let friends wear crocs.

Friends don't let friends wear crocs.

–Adam C.

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